Judas

Every man gets what he wants. I wanted a PhD, and for my sins they gave me one. When it is all over I wont want another.

I would like to use this opportunity to say just how great the academic establishment is in this country. I would also like to praise the wisdom of the research councils. Most of all however I would like to say how much I love the members of the RAS, and that I would love to have all their babies.

I want to tell all dislikers of the RAS to rot.

As of now I abdicate the title of Overlord, and choose to be know forever more as the Mulleted Maestro. My reign of terror has come to an end, and I will use my influence to promote clear and accountable democracy to the eurovision song contest.

Finally I appeal to anyone out there who can lead to the discovery of the identity of the Raw Power Guy to get in touch. Don't let him know we want to make contact however as I am pretty scared just thinking about the guy.

I expect a bit of stick for my complete turn around in opinion, especially from Billy boy, who will probably never speak to me again.

yours unfaithfully,
Mulleted Maestro

Overlord or time lord?

Optimism suppressed the belief I had in the total failure of the quantum leap drive. Technological excellence is no substitute for maintaining the laws of cause and effect. There is no way that I can change the history of the RAS, without somehow changing myself. My own history is entwined to the RAS like vader to the force. My attempts to alter timelines has resulted in a visit from the Albert Einstein society of timeline preservation. Albo gave me the equivalent of a yellow card, attempting to break the laws of physics again will result in my erasure from history altogether.

I am not too disappointed however. The machine has another purpose, that I had not even considered early on, but is glaringly obvious. I have the power of eternal life. By creating a clone of myself, I can permanently transfer my life knowledge and experience to a younger version of myself to preserve my existence indefinitely. Sure I am young yet, but I will be able to retire my old body in mid sixties and start a new leaf of life in a twenty year old body.

It does raise ethical questions, I will need to train the young clone to actively work his brain so it is in optimum condition. Once I am ready I will have this young, probably brilliant physicist mindswapped, then terminated.

Even more tricky is the chance that he may outwit me, such a wise man will no doubt work out what I am scheming, and will attempt to have me erased. It is a chance I have to take to preserve myself indefinitely.

It turns out that one of my generals, Raw Power Guy, has been working on similar lines. His weakness is his vanity and his clone will replace him when he reaches mid thirties, in a bid to stay forever young.

The ECB has agreed to let us use Lords cricket ground as a meeting place, in exchange for my continuing work in winning the ashes for England. Dressing up as a crusader is not compulsory.

The Admiral

bella bella

The FBI must be pissed off. The trail has gone cold, according to the times anyway. Been taking Italian classes, I have a friend who speaks Italian who never really got the difference between being pissed, and being off. Am never really sure what we are taking about.

Well my new found freedom has given me the chance to do more research. I have always believed I could revolutionize computer processing, and now I have. Finally I have the power to accurately predict the weather, simply from a few observable factors on the sun, and the current state of play on Earth.

So what? Well I will tell you what. Knowing how the weather works means that I know how to alter it. Sure it is not easy, I cant change summer into winter by pressing a button, but I can bring order to the previous chaos of seasonal weather. I can make it rain on Monday, by altering the knife-edge weather patterns on Saturday.

For what devious reasons would I want to do this? It all comes down to the cricket. The ability to manipulate the weather can cause or prevent a washout in a test match, changing a defeat into a draw, or an abandoned match into a win. If England win the first test, I can set all future tests on the verge of a washout.

The only problem I can see is not in the science. I just cant make England beat Australia on the pitch, I can only prevent a defeat off the pitch.

The weather machine does have other uses. I could cause a rainy election day, where the notoriously slack labour voters will stay at home, where as the hard core Tory vote will surely brave the elements.

I could even cause localized severe weather to damage pro RAS facilities.

despite my brilliance in this field, the main academic forces still ignore my work, but this will be to their detriment.

Your glorious leader,
Overlord Rear Admiral Alan,
Master of the Universe, M.Sci. G.C. PhD. Order of the Garter.

Never read a pop up book about giraffes

Muhammad Ali said, "I am the greatest". He never said I am the greatest boxer, or the greatest motormouth, simply the greatest. If he was not the greatest boxer, if he had never been a boxer he said he would be the greatest bin man or whatever he did.

Sure everyone knows that I am the greatest astronomer of all time. That is practically indisputable. Astronomy is not everything though, I have been told, there is also life. I thought Ali was wrong, surely I am the greatest. Now I am not sure.

After astronomy, blogging must be the most important part of life. I dreamed of the sweetest blog, truly unforgettable, touching all who read it. Alas the divine blog eludes me, and all other blogs I write are simply a tribute to it.

I my quest, I have trawled the oceans of the blogosphere, seeking enlightenment. As I hit the next blog button, I kept finding that the blogosphere is a small place, dominated by miserable teenagers, and moody adults who wont accept they are not teenagers. Perhaps I am the only blogger on a quest. Am I the only one seeking out something that is not there? Should I just get a job?

I registered my blog with blogwise, a sort of search engine for blogs. They asked in return that I mention them on my blog, so I just have. From there I have found out why I should not do a PhD, and who wants to be the first Kuwaiti astronaut, see miscellaneous.

I guess it is just natural for an overlord to want more than he can possibably achieve. Has anyone found true meaning out there? Let me know. Pope Gregory IX need not leave a comment.

The admiral strikes back

I just know that fine artist, genius and living legend, agent George Lucas will not let the world of astronomy down. His parody of the inner circle of the RAS is the finest example of the incompetent bureaucrats at work. The jedi council represents the power base of the RAS, with the rest of the jedi as their stooges.

Agent Georges eye for detail is immense. The hideous green skinned goblin "yoda" so closely resembles Sir Martin Rees that his own mother could not tell them apart.

The force is just a play on beard, as in "let your power flow from the beard" and "let the beard be with you".

Of course, agent George more than anyone wants to see change at the RAS. The wise leader, Billy boy, and his powerful apprentice, that's yours truly, fight the beard wars to take ultimate control of the RAS.

I have been pressing for the construction of star destroyers, to reach out to the galaxy, spreading our wisdom and culture whilst maintaining our strangle hold on power. A very wise man by the name of George W Bush, was very interested in my plans and began development immediately. However someone seemed to have hijacked the name "son of star wars" and turned the project into some pointless missile program. What is the use of a missile when our most deadly enemies live on a planet around Betelgeuse?

The Admiral

A good pun is its own reword

Sweet, I have already thrown in a gag, and I have only written the title.

A swift departure from politics is in order, since I don't do it on this blog. NtK is a good place to start for that. A great blog is forming in my mind, and is just days away, until then I leave you in the incapable hands of my down to Earth alterego.

One last thing on the papacy, the owner of www.benedictXVI.com has promised not to link his site to porn.

This guy must be thinking that the higher powers are against him.
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/050419/344/fgn6m.html

I found this free computer game on the web, food force, aimed at 8-13 year old children. In a bid to compete with violent computer games, the makers wanted to promote peace and friendship as an alternative to blowing stuff up. I asked a nearby 8-13 year old child what they thought and they said "I think its gay". Sounds like food farce to me. If you wanna play it, the link is under miscellaneous.

Alan

But it would mean changing the bulb

Oh dear, I am worried about self consistency in my blog. Who would have thought it, since my favorite TV show and inspiration for a carrier in astronomy, red dwarf, was notable for its disregard of such things.

What kind of astronomer actually decided that is what they want to do after watching red dwarf? Only a melon.

This is the kind of man who failed his astro engineering exam no fewer than 13 times, 14 if you count the time I had that seizure.

Well it appears I have just missed the point on what I was talking about, rewind. szxcswzxsc

Yes Friday the 15th of April, Edinburgh castle, the butts cafe tribute band gig. With the entire Illinois state police surrounding the venue, how did I get in, perform a legendary gig then dash 57 miles along the interstate to deliver $5000 US to save a church from demolision whilst being chased by the ku klux klan?

Getting in was easy of course, I put on a dress and a bit of lippy and I was just another groupie. Opened the show with everybody needs somebody to love. They could not touch me on stage, and the last number the rest of the band walked to the front of the stage, whilst I jumped in the trap door.

I hot wired hitler's car, which pissed off the kkk even more, then set out on a destruction derby of a ride. Boom, crunch, smash, it looked just like the final scene from the film blues brothers.

Do you accuse me of ripping off a scene from a film and pretending that it happened to me in real life. Well one of em sang and the other played the sax, I play sixth lead guitar so it is totally different.

I ran out of gasoline after 38 mile of this police chase (145236452 kilometers for them that use em) so I followed standard procedure for getting the attention of another motorist, as demonstrated in the link.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/050418/80/fglpr.html

the admiral

The story so far... part 2

With his hopes dashed of a return to academia, the admiral releases his frustration on his ideological enemies. His incompetent leadership is highlighted by his failure to even come up with a name for the movement. His increasingly illogical schemes to overthrow the RAS leadership are matched only by their increasing brutality. His total defiance of the authorities, combined with his inspired and considerable recent academic output however, has lead to increased support from the astronomical community. The award of the Glenn Cross will ensure he will remain a major player in astronomy until he is captured/terminated.

Various national and international authorities have tried to clamp down on the admiral and his associates. He is being hunted down, like the bitch he is.

He is wanted by the royal navy for fraud, by fifa for bringing the game of football into disrepute, by the crown for treason, by Dr Who for impersonating a timelord, by MI5 for disclosing restricted information, by the Butts cafe tribute band for doing a runner with the bands funds, by the RAS for crimes against astronomy, by NASA for blackmail, by the home office for traveling with a forged passport, by the CIA for kidnapping, by the FBI on bribery charges, and the Hungarian police want to question him about a double parking incident.

His accomplice Raw Power Guy is wanted by Lady Melanoid for hot lovin.

Opinion about the admiral is widespread, a google search revealed the following.

The Times says, "makes Osama bin Laden look like a terrorist."
The Guardian says, "makes Karl Marx look like a communist."
The daily Telegraph says, "makes Thatcher look like conservative."
Private Eye says, "makes Steve Coogan look funny."
Gay times says, "makes Elton John look gay."
Raw Power says, "makes Arnie look ripped."
Amir says, "can I have a slice of lemon in that?"

See also the story so far, (archive March 2005).

RAS election 2005

Once again the RAS has shunned the greatest astronomical mind of the age. The stuffy bureaucrats have chosen another brown nose bunch of paper pushers to tow the company line.

Among the candidates,

RAMAN PRINJA (A). B.Sc (Hons), Ph.D., Reader in Astronomy, University College London. Special interests: Massive stars - mass loss, atmospheres and photospheres; stellar evolution. Interacting binary stars. Accretion-disk-driven winds. Public Understanding of Science and widening participation. I would welcome and value the opportunity to serve the RAS.

surely no one will be fooled. raman prinja is raw power. Raw power is raman prinja.

I urge all loyal to the cause to vote for Overlord Rear Admiral Alan, Master of the Universe, M.Sci. G.C. O.B.E. PhD (pig headed doofas) using the link below.

http://www.rasweb.org.uk/rascms/images/stories/
ras_pdfs/election_candidates_2005.pdf

Shows that should never have been canceled

My team has been developing in secret the new weapon to fight the leadership of the RAS. The idea had been put forward, in theory, by highly regarded physicist Ziggy, and now his baby has been put into practice. I have developed the quantum leap machine.

Hey have you ever wondered why the subtitle for my blog sounds like I ripped it off a TV show, well I have.

It is ironic, that the hologram in the show dressed up as a naval officer, whereas the dashing hero Sam Becket leaps into other peoples lives. Now the hansom Billy boy, is left as the phantom that only I can see or hear.

I have already given the machine a test run. Have you recently felt that England were cheated out of winning the 1986 world cup. Do you have memories of our victory, only to see that we lost to Argentina in the quarter finals. The test required a very blatant yet ultimately unimportant change in history. I leapt into the body of the match official, and instead of sending a player off for a blatant hand ball, I pretended not to see it and allowed play to continue.

Already people are accustoming themselves to a subtle change in history.

I also leaped into the body of a cleaner working in a ladies changing room in a Copenhagen gym. I spent 5 days there, and I did not mop the floor once. Why was I there? Well eventually one of the nimble looking beauties slipped on the floor and twisted her ankle.

I want to leap into the body of the English Astronomer Royal, Sir Martin Rees, to make a few changes but I need to do a few more tests first, and there is another gym in Oslo that I want to check out, I mean work in.

An invitation

A letter came in the post addressed to Billy boy. It was an invitation for him plus one, to a dinner party at a vip house. The great and the good would be there. Charles and Camilla, Carl and Susan Kennedy, Clark Kent and Louis Lane, PJ and Duncan.

Well I am very pleased that Bill invited me.

Billy looks very fetching in a dress, but is stuban about the beard. It was down to me to glam up a bit. I settled on a charming floral Laura Ashley number.

The dinner went very well, we talked about music, particle physics and C&Cs upcoming wedding. All seemed to be going well, the dinner had finished and we expected a pot of tea to round off the evening. To my horror, the host brought out a round of cappocinos. Well we made our excuses and left in rather a hurry.

I don't want to shame my host, by reveling who it was, but I will not be attending future parties at their home.

Hey in my role as rear admiral, I found this article rather amusing.
Bookies brace themselves for Ginger's bottom.
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/050409/325/ffzm9.html

In other news, Raw Power has come out of hiding and has updated his blog.

Later Bloggers,
Admiral

nam meeting ousts agent

If you thought nam was bad the first time round, things have gotten even uglier.

The National Astronomy Meeting (NAM) in Birmingham, has uncovered the work of Agent Larry. One of the best covert agents, he now finds himself in full public glare. Last seen on BBC Devon, he now has no protection from RAS loyalists.

Further information can be obtained from:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/sci/tech/4414481.stm

http://abc.net.au/science/news/space/SpaceRepublish_1340236.htm

http://www.sr.bham.ac.uk/nam2005/pr10.html

Agent Billy Boy will do all he can to help agent Larry avoid capture, torture, and certain death at the hands of the RAS.

Admiral

An apology

Welcome bloggers, I feel that my previous blog was substandard. Think I must have had too much northern air or something. Mind you in terms of comments, it has been one of the most successful blogs to date. To make it up I will make it half price to view my blog for the next month. Yes raw power guy, I know half of nothing is still free, a gold star for you. Now back into character.

I have been to the most obscure parts of the country, many kilometers from civilization. Just yesterday I was out on the moores. I have come to the conclusion that light pollution has made viewing the night sky impossible in every part of the country.

I was not always a renegade member of the RAS. It was not long ago that I was pressing the council on important issues. In many cases we agreed on the principle ideas, but they never listened to how it should be put into practice. The final straw came when I put forward operation grand slam. I reasoned that a few well placed explosive devices could cripple the national grid for weeks, leading to massive blackout areas. The government would be powerless to resist, as they could not protect all the countries power lines. We would have them at our mercy, and could get them to agree to three hours a night without electricity in return for our ceasing of the campaign.

The weak RAS leaders ignored my suggestions, saying it would inconvenience millions, and would cause hundreds of deaths. They also said I was power hungry, insane, and obsessed with an astronomers utopia. They went as far to say that I would block out the sun if I could, just to use the telescopes continuously. Honestly what jokers, why would I want to block out the sun, when I can make observations of it?

I call upon all astronomers everywhere to unite, and together we can lead this planet to a golden age of enlightenment.

The Admiral


Please note that the bitter and twisted words of the admiral, are complete fantasy. He does not even exist. This blog should not be taken seriously, and there is no need to contact the authorities. I don't want to see a fully armed metropolitan police team surrounding the library when I write my blog, its really difficult to clean up the mess.

Admiral update

Made it into the uk without a hitch. Bill distracted customs by doing the high wire, when i passed through the gates.

Have been studying pidgeon behavior, customs and rituals this week. Taking notes in a park, think i have cracked into the pidgeon psyche. Got chucked out of the park after about three days, the park patrol insisted that i stopped collecting pidgeon poo samples.

Actually there is not much to update, except that i will be inspecting the prototype x wing helmit that will be standard issue to all physics professors from september 2005.

I must get in contact with all the anti RAS cardinals, so that we can bring in a strong physicist as the next pope. Suggestions welcomed.

the Admiral