Obituary

Hey, I always wondered what happens if you read your own obituary. I saw an episode of the simpsons where grandpa simpson chases after a woman to a town called Branson where everyone is living in the past. At the show there are a load of celebrates who are past it, and everyone assumed were dead. Abe says to his boyhood hero, hey you are really dead, I have your obituary in my pocket. The guy turns to dust when he reads it.

I get a feeling of deja vu, like I have read or have already written, what I am writing here. I keep rehashing a crummy joke, but don't seem to remember doing so. Senilaty is fast approaching, if only I had heeded prof bobbletoffs advice and kept ahold of the Glenn cross.

I expect at least a double page spread in the torygraph, an 8 page pull out for my obituary in the guardian, the entire independent dedicated to my obituary (with a mean crossword at the back), although the times will probably only carry a few lines.

Well if I am gonna read it, I might as well just go the whole hog and write it myself.

Overlord Rear Admiral Alan, Master of the Universe, M.Sci. G.C. Ph.D. B.Sc. (bronze swimming certificate).

inventor of time, the first dimension, the second dimension, and co inventor of the third dimension. Leaded of the Movement Against Nachoes Ketchup and Yougat MANKY. His fine navy career took him to NAM, (well they have canals in Birmingham, don't you know).

After having read too much Nietzsche for his own good, Alan lived a double life, stuggling to find an absolute morality, his only inspiration a speech from that most fine astronomer JFK.

"ask not what astronomy can do for you, but what you can do for astronomy."

The admiral put astronomy before all else, and was a truly moral man, despite the genocide, terrorism, and bad jokes. His end was brought about by his alterego, Alan. No one knows anything about him.

Well i would love to stay and do this properly but I have to go and dance on his grave.

Mulleted Maestro